I am having a lost day.
Not one of those days where I can easily dive into a Shahs of Sunset marathon and not even feel guilty because I have so drowned within my own mess.
One of those days where I actually feel alive. Where I feel like accomplishing more than laundry. Where I have some self-worth.
And what is there to do?
A thousand things.
Boyfriend wants me to be entrepreneurial. I can barely spell that (but just know I succeeded without help) much less be that.
He had me reading this book. I stopped when I got to the chapter called, “Guts”.
I’m not sure it is that I don’t actually have the guts to do something. I can be determined, once my mind is set. Fucking stubborn, some might say.
I think my problem is setting my mind on something. Anything. Commitment issues? Why, yes, thank you.
Business ideas? Selling my art on Etsy, selling my music, playing my music, social media, writing, publishing, tarot. Some people can live on these things. Because they care that much. Because it is all they care about.
I’ve never finished anything.
And so I am stuck. Indecisive and terrified.
I need MONEY. Will someone just give me some money so I can do the things I love and not have to commit to anything? Not have to throw myself into anything with reckless abandon? Let me keep all of myself hidden away.